Relationship Upgrade Enthusiast Pillows

'It's nothing personally against you, Walter, but I'm upgrading to a more advanced husband.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Paint pots in love

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Urns in love

Man feeding his computer money.

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I'm not laughing at you, dear-I'm laughing with everyone but you."

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'Here's to being in love, in a hurry, and in debt.'

An evening with Stanley Bucholtz, relationship MD,,,tonight: 'Just ONE evening,,,'

Tunnel of Love and the Tunnel of Mutual Respect and Admiration.

Growing Love

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

Hold on

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

'We've entered the 'password sharing' phase of our relationship!'

What are you doing? You promised we'd watch it together!

Love

"My wife - is she still staring at me?"

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

'Relax babe, that's me before the operation,'

"Too desperate?"

"I'm looking for a man who has an unwavering character, except when he's talking to me."

'Now then, let me explain the rules of this therapy.'

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."