Relationship Philosopher Pillows

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'It's not you, it's your carbon footprint.'

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

"Don't let this beautiful weather fool you into thinking everything's fine."

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Last one, Joe...I promised myself I'd only marry the man who could correctly finish this sentence...The perfect man is...'

"Don't try to rescue me, Wanda. I'll just drag you to the bottom, just like everybody else!"

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"I can't help but think that things might have turned out differently if we had never met."

Woman sits on one-half of desert island that has been split in two: 'Call it intuition, Harold, but I feel as if we're drifting apart.'

"Please stop looking at me like now I'm gonna propose."

'It would never work. I'm from Venus, you're from Mars.'

"My wife wants to spend Halloween with her first husband."

"Well, was it something I said?"

'But why, Brenda?! Why can't it work out?!'

"Don't be too upset. If we were meant to have good sex, we probably would have married other people."

"I've never had a relationship with you! I've just had 465 one night-stands with the same person!"

'When you grow up, how many times do you plan to get married?'

"Sorry, Greg, but our Venn diagrams don't overlap anywhere."

"If no two snowflakes are alike, what chance do we have of being compatible?"

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

The Daisy: 2005

'People just aren't as committed as they used to be.'

"I call him my 'Old flame' because he really burns me up!"

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get back at Josh by sleeping with his avatar?"

"If you kiss a girl, then you should marry her. . . it's the right thing to do!"

'Well, what if I were the last HETEROSEXUAL man on earth?'

'Let it go, man. I really don't think your ex expects you to break out to attend her wedding. I think she's moved on.'

'Will I respect you in the morning? I don't need that kind of pressure!'

"Look, you've been great. It's just that we'd like to start seeing other marriage counsellors."

"I want you to be able to feel that you can hide anything from me."

"I just thought, maybe, if we could talk, I could at least get a little closure."

'Most of the time it's nobody's fault. People just sort of drift apart.'

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree."

Nature corner

'Wayne, have you ever given any thought to changing completely?'