Relationship Anarchists Pillows

'Yes, Mr. Humbolt, I found evidence your mistress is cheating on you with her husband.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"You owe me five bucks."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Harold, you've changed."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"