Relationship Revolutionist Pillows

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Sexual chemistry set

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

'Your place or mine?'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

After the Sentence

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"Very Presidential."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"Yes, I realize you're always available, too, but I prefer the cloud."

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"You're the woman of one of my dreams."

Menu. Menu. The good thing about girls' night out is also the bad thing about girls' night out: No men.