Relationship Revolutionist Gifts

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

After the Sentence

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Very Presidential."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.