Relationship Modernists Gifts

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."