Relationship Anarchist Pillows

"I don’t want to get married but I’ve always loved the idea of being a widow."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Sexual chemistry set

'Your place or mine?'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Harold, you've changed."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."