Relationship Rebel Pillows

"And my last boyfriend didn't work out because of the communication barrier." "He spoke another language?" "No he was an idiot."

"You don't have to talk dirty to me. Politically incorrect talk will do it."

'Civil union would be a step up.'

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

Dating the efficiency expert.

Revenge pawn

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

'I want a divorce, Lenny!'

'What do you mean 'What would nanny say'?'

"Call me when you've learned how to have an adult relationship with your apartment."

Love

"I'm not sure I've explored all my marriage options!"

'Ted has always been a bit of a womaniser.'

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"Darling, when I booked a date night I didn't say it would be with you."

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"It's not for me, it's for my husband. I'm trying to find someone to run off with him."

"Sorry I’m late, honey — I was cheating on you."

"I've cleaned out the garage- now may I file for divorce?"

"Perhaps you're forgetting our agreement: 'Don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue.' "

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

The Map of the Human Heart

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."