Romance Rebel Pillows

"So that's your final answer."

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

The Bare Minimum

Spokane County Police Department

"Don't waste your ammo pal, we're just f**k buddies."

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'Let's have a secret wedding - All my friends think I have better taste!'

Heartbreak is a waste of time...

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'I can't marry you, Robert - It would just be too CONVENTIONAL.'

"Baldo, Valentine's Day is all about flowers."

No Strollers Allowed

"When I said it would be sexy if you were more ANIMAL in bed... I was thinking of a tiger!"

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'Your place or mine?'

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

You're the olive in my martini

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

Lord Byron

Cake Escape

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Heart to heart talk.

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

Dating the efficiency expert.

Graffitti.

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'