Relationship Chatters Pillows

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Relationship Issues.

'He's never there for me.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

Couple

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Living brings up a lot of issues for him."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

A man forming a heart symbol with his hands

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Now who's being judgy?"

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"I don't see what you see in him."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

Interpreters.

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."