Relationship Chatters Gifts

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Relationship Issues.

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

Couple

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'He's never there for me.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Living brings up a lot of issues for him."

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

A man forming a heart symbol with his hands

"I don't see what you see in him."

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

Interpreters.

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"If only girls came with drop-down menus and online help. . ."

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"