Relationship Anxiety Gifts

'Don't go Doris, I can change.'

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"You do like octopus?"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Romance

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Right click for yes...

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"