Relationship Tension Gifts

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

WHO checklist

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'How long have you been fighting?'

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Mime marriage.

'He's never there for me.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"