Relationship Tension Pillows

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

WHO checklist

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

'He's got 99 problems but his Bitch aint one!'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Mime marriage.

'How long have you been fighting?'