Relationship Conflict Gifts

"Nasty case...wife dropped his hardware onto his software."

Body language: the double negative

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"It's not you, Robert. It's the Philip Roth novel on your nightstand."

"I'm finding it difficult to apologize to you,so I've decided to divorce you instead!"

'Honey, I swear to you, Lapland is not a gentlemen's club.'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

DIY marriage counseling.