Rectal Surgeon Gifts

'Is there a rectal surgeon in the house?'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

The tooth fairy.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

Haute Suture

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Surgery up here is free!"

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."