Genitourinary Surgeon Gifts

"Sorry Doc, now is not a good time: I've just finished marking my territory..."

"We've made great progress!"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"First time pruning?"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

Haute Suture

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"Surgery up here is free!"