Colorectal Surgeon Gifts

"Try to relax..."

I hate it when my proctologist is a big sports fan.

"I wanted you to meet our colon specialist before we miniaturized him."

Proctologist school....

'Oh, that brush. The chimney sweep forgot and left it here.'

Bigfoot's Proctologist: Dr. Bighand.

'Well, another tail, another happy ending.'

"In all my years as a proctologist, I'd naturally assumed it was just a figure of speech. Until the day I actually SAW someone disappear that way!"

Unicorn Proctologists

Analphabet

Proctologist: Rear Entrance

"Congratulations on earning your Proctology license... bottoms up!"

"Congratulations, Doc, you got a 'thumbs up' on Facebook!"

"The doctor has your probe results ready, Mr. Stewart."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"First time pruning?"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

The tooth fairy.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'