Orthopedic Surgeons Gifts

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Haute Suture

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Young Dr. Dolittle.

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'