Rectal Surgeon Pillows

'Is there a rectal surgeon in the house?'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

The tooth fairy.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

Haute Suture

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'