Record Breaker Pillows

'I set my high-jump records during leap year.'

Wow, seven questions marks! Can you give me one more? I'm going for a personal record! ???????

He won't stop talking about being the fastest ever. He's a broken record about breaking a record.

A long jumper reaching 18.

"A new record for 1,499 meters!"

The Specimen Hunter

'It's official! Guinness just declared you the record-holder for jugging seven chain saws!'

'Last Sunday, third inning, White Sox agains the Orioles, a major league first....as every player on the field blows a bubble at the same time."

'Let's not go by the book.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

'This is rodeo history! No one's ever stayed on the Dancing Bronco this long!'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Walk or don't. You're a grown man. Make your own decisions.

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

"Worst breach of corporate dress code I've ever witnessed."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'Read that last part back to me.'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Rules are there to be broken, my friend.'

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

'Oi mate! No hoods in the shopping mall.'

Pole Vault Rules

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'