Recent Diagnosis Gifts

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Surprise Party

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"Good news! It's only cancer."

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

The Princess and the Penis

It was official. She was desperate.

"Hop? Jig? Dance? You're a dancer? Sounds like? Prancer? Cancer? Cancer! I got cancer!"

"I think it's time we started seeing other people"

Tunnel of Anxiety

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

"You have high blood pressure

"Flip!..Blimey!..Oh sugar!"

'Oh my god... oh my god...'