Recent Medical Check-up Gifts

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'