Recent Medical Check-up Gifts

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Turn your head and laugh.

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."