Medical Check-ups Gifts

"Once we finish with your blood pressure, we need to find out why your arm is purple."

A Man with poor eyesight has misjudged the Optometrist's door and smashed into the wall

"You're fit to stand trial, Mr. Douglas, so feel free to get out there and commit a crime."

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Look on the bright side, Mr. Reynolds. At leasat it's not a perennial.'

'I also examined you for insurance but didn't find any.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Turn your head and laugh.

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'The needle was THIS big!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."