Medical Checkup Gifts

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Hi honey, how'd the mammogram go?"

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

MD. Let's just say that I've been coloring outside the dietary guidelines.

Your test results came back, Mr. Fusco. I'm afraid they contradict your tee shirt. ! ! Have a nice day.

Drinking Conversion Chart

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

'Ticker's fine.'

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

"At your current body fat percentage, I can't figure out how there's any room left for your organs."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"And how much do you drink?"

"The bowels, the bowels."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

Turn your head and laugh.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Medical Examinations.

"The cape comes off too."