Doctor's Checkup Gifts

"This is going to be a little invasive."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Turn your head and laugh.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'The needle was THIS big!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."