Medical Checkups Gifts

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

Stopped heart. 'Come on, I can't wait all day.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

Turn your head and laugh.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I didn't even get a balloon."