Medical Checkup Prints

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Hi honey, how'd the mammogram go?"

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

Drinking Conversion Chart

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

'Ticker's fine.'

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"And how much do you drink?"

"The bowels, the bowels."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

Medical Examinations.

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'