Health Diagnosis Gifts

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"If it has the word 'ectomy' after it I've had it!"

'Bad news - your policy covers your heart itself, but not the arteries.'

"Might be celiac disease. We'll have to wheat and see."

"I'm afraid he's lost his mind...do you know if he kept back-up?"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

Misfortune Cookie

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Good news. Your financial problems are going to seem insignificant."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'Life is ruining your health.'

'The good news is that his temperature has dropped. The bad news is that sadly by far too much. . .'

'Oh Mother just ignore him. Ever since the doctor said he had a prostrate problem he hasn't moved out of that position.'

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

PSA Banter.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

Science and Coronavirus

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'