Facing A Health Diagnosis Gifts

'Don't get your hopes up. In private practice, malt whisky and havana cigars mean you're terminal.'

"Level with me, doc...is it serious?"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

The Sunrise of Vaccines

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"First day out of bed?"

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

Stay apart & stay happy

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

"Have you been feeling all right, Ed?"

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Life and Death.

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."