Dealing With A Diagnosis Gifts

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"A second opinion? - Oh, it's far too late for THAT!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Exercise now!

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

'I understand you're upset with the insurance company. While my concern is your bottom, their concern is the bottom line.'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"Actually, you don't have a pinched nerve...your underwear is too tight!"

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

Life and Death.

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

Cold Call