Dealing With A Medical Diagnosis Gifts

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

"Actually, you don't have a pinched nerve...your underwear is too tight!"

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

Life and Death.

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

GPs should prescribe tailored exercise and weight loss to relieve osteoarthritis

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

'That Doctor has a lot of nerve...I've waited six weeks for this appointment and he says, 'you're lucky we caught it in time'.'