Dealing With A Medical Diagnosis Prints

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

Life and Death.

GPs should prescribe tailored exercise and weight loss to relieve osteoarthritis

"Actually, you don't have a pinched nerve...your underwear is too tight!"

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

'I understand you're upset with the insurance company. While my concern is your bottom, their concern is the bottom line.'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."