Dealing With Medical Issues Gifts

Impotence Clinic - droopy door handle.

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

Wards / Mortuary

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

'You threw your back out? Well, run out and retrieve it!'

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

Life and Death.

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"My Alzheimers doctor. What can I do?"

"Any idea how much longer you'll be?"

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

GPs should prescribe tailored exercise and weight loss to relieve osteoarthritis

"Don't you think it's time to admit to yourself that this rash will not clear up on it's own."

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."