Dealing With Healthcare Issues Gifts

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

"The worse part is, I paid the doctor in advance."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

'Legislature' doctor scratching his head over a syringe marked 'Free market Principles' with those marked 'Regulations' in the bin

'I'm holding firm against any government health plan.'

Death in the red zone

'In order for the new Health Care Bill to pass, we'll need to remove the option of Health and Care, and give taxpayers the bill.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Warning: Birth control pills carry a history of heart attack or stroke....

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

"A terminal illness? That's seen as a weakness in my business."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'The Doctor will see you now...'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'No, I'm not the famous heart surgeon, but I charge exactly what he charges...'

"You first."

Be Right There

"Forget railway season tickets. Stick to day returns from now on."

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

The devolution of the NHS

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

'Take two aspirins and call Obama in the morning!'