Medical Concerns Gifts

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Wards / Mortuary

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"Will he be okay?"

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

Top 10 things to worry about in 2020.

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

"You have third-degree burns over most of your body. At least your chin looks OK ??" aside from that big hairy mole."

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"