Medical Concerns Prints

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Wards / Mortuary

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"Will he be okay?"

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"We're seeing a lot of these Dancing with the Stars type injuries at the moment."

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

Top 10 things to worry about in 2020.

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

"You have third-degree burns over most of your body. At least your chin looks OK ??" aside from that big hairy mole."

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'