Family Health Concern Gifts

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

"I had to skip my workout."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

Policeman talking to lost child

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'Remember your blood pressure, dear!...the Dr, warned about anything that would anger you, like this divided congress and their inability to compromise on things beneficial to the nation.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"We can't wake her, she's sleepwalking."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"Will he be okay?"

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

Motherhood

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

"Welcome to Mom's place. I'll be your waitress, dishwasher, and cook tonight..."

"I didn't want to be a burden to my family, but I've changed my mind."

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

'Of course it tastes bad! If it tasted good, you'd think it was ineffective.'

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

"... and that this ham we're eating has enough sodium to give us high blood pressure. That's what I learned in school today."

"You might want to sit down, Mrs. Dumpty."

Statue of a housewife.