Diagnosis Of Illness Gifts

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'It's a deal. You don't infect me, and I don't infect you.'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'Ever since I had a disease named after me, people seem to keep their distance.'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

"Good news! It's only cancer."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."