Illness Gifts

"I wish I had spent more time responding to emails."

"Yes, yes, we love you too. What's your Netflix password?"

"Gee, Mom, I'm sorry you're sick, but can't we get a sub?"

"We had a coolection for you at the office boss.. and.. er.."

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"We're letting him think there's a big media deathwatch."

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

Hospitalized Windtube Man

'If Joe doesn't recover at least he'll die laughing!'

"Don't worry about the cleaning and cooking. I'll stay with some friends."

'What's the procedure for returning her Bag for Life?'

Fred was on his deathbed.

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'By 'fight the good fight' I don't mean you fight against it.'

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

Alzheimer's Amusement Park

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'