Illness Gifts

"I wish I had spent more time responding to emails."

"Yes, yes, we love you too. What's your Netflix password?"

"Gee, Mom, I'm sorry you're sick, but can't we get a sub?"

"We had a coolection for you at the office boss.. and.. er.."

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"We're letting him think there's a big media deathwatch."

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

Hospitalized Windtube Man

'If Joe doesn't recover at least he'll die laughing!'

"Don't worry about the cleaning and cooking. I'll stay with some friends."

'What's the procedure for returning her Bag for Life?'

'Very well, instead of the bible I'll read you Harry Potter but I am still standing behind the lectern.'

Fred was on his deathbed.

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Well, my paycheck barely pays the bills, I might need a second job, my wife is on my case, and my dad's in the hospital."

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

'OK, how about something a little more upbeat?'

'By 'fight the good fight' I don't mean you fight against it.'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'If things don't go well, tell me you'll pull the plug. I want to know you'll be provided for.'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'I've done everything that medical science can do...now I suggest you sacrifice a goat to Nagoomba.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"I'm not sure the extent of it really comes across in a Zoom consultation, doctor."