Diagnosis Gifts

Surprise Party

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

'The doctor said I've got to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 5!'

'The good news - they've found a cure for your complaint. The bad news - it won't be ready for 10 years!'

Kevin began to suspect that his Mother was colourblind.

"He's in a comma."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

Bedside Manna.

"We're going to beat this thing apart."

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'