Medical Diagnosis Gifts

"Hop? Jig? Dance? You're a dancer? Sounds like? Prancer? Cancer? Cancer! I got cancer!"

'No doubt about it, Mr Merridew - you've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome.'

"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."

'It looks to me like you've got an overactive thyroid!'

'It doesn't look good, Bob!'

"Good news! It's only cancer."

'The good news is that we're going to name the disease after you.'

'It's not malignant...But is is a son of a bitch.'

"Unfortunately these tests show that the test you've just had has caused cancer."

"You have high blood pressure

"Flip!..Blimey!..Oh sugar!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Lactose Intolerant