Medical Examination Gifts

'It's not looking good. His pulse is up to 202 just from getting out of the chair and stepping on to the treadmill.'

'Relax. Mr. Miller. It's just a standard prostate exam.'

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Medical Treatment.

'There is a mole on your back, but I don't think it's anything you need to worry about.'

'If I were your broker, I'd tell you to sell.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Well, well, well...'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Nervous Oral Testing

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Turkey Autopsy

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

Turn your head and laugh.

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

Medical Examinations.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy