Medical Examination T-Shirts

'Relax. Mr. Miller. It's just a standard prostate exam.'

Tunnel of Anxiety

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Medical Treatment.

'There is a mole on your back, but I don't think it's anything you need to worry about.'

'If I were your broker, I'd tell you to sell.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Well, well, well...'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Nervous Oral Testing

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

Turkey Autopsy

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

Medical Examinations.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.