Physical Examination Gifts

'The pain is just Nature's way of telling you not to get COCKY.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Well, well, well...'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Nervous Oral Testing

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Turkey Autopsy

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

Turn your head and laugh.

"Darn it, lost another swab."

Medical Examinations.

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Turkey Autopsy

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Another clear case of COVID19."

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

"Curiosity."