Reassuring Wordsmith Gifts

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

'He never listened to his mother!'

A Poet

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

Shakespeare Ave

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

Tom Stoppard

Bell Hop

Male On Sunday

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Art Gecko.