Charming Wordsmith Gifts

'Your intoxication beauty has made me forget my problems, my inhibitions, my wallet. Would you mind paying for the check?'

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

I think you're ace

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Best Seller

Mother Goose's Haiku

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

You trip on it, you buy it.

Shakespeare Ave

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Sharp Eyes

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.