Playful Wordsmith Gifts

The Sacrificial Peep

Ghost writers

'Dad says you can throw your voice. Toss it here.'

"It huts to be called a little piggy, doc. It really hurts."

A fish-eye lens.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Backfire

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'I think he would come back to earth if women would just stop kissing him.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Prayboy

Mother Goose's Haiku

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'No, Rusty, this one! You're barking up the wrong tree.'

A Poet

Sharp Eyes

'He never listened to his mother!'

Shakespeare Ave

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."