Imaginative Wordsmith Gifts

"Do you have any advice for me? I'm writing a children's book."

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

I think you're ace

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Mother Goose's Haiku

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.