Provocative Wordsmith Gifts

"You don't have to talk dirty to me. Politically incorrect talk will do it."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Best Seller

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Mother Goose's Haiku

Shakespeare Ave

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Sharp Eyes

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.